Yeah, man. I got mine. You get yours?

Free money, that is.

$13.86.

If it was a little more, I could actually buy a CD.

The teller at Riggs said, "where you get this? I see a lot of these for the same amount."
"Free money," say I.
"I want too," say she.
"Too late, over," I reply.
"Dangit, too late for me."

Dogs and Cats Living in Sin!

This gay marriage thing really burns my butthole.

Live and let live, I say. What the (heterosexual, missionary position) fuck do I care?

Kerry will be best served if he explains it like this: "Yes, this is a pain deep in the ass of this great nation, but I am on the right side of the issue. We are all God's children.

As you may recall, Jesus walked around with beggars and whores and degenerates and homos. They just hadn't developed their queer eye yet. But it was they who brought the beads and sandals."

The Rabbis used to describe inter-faith marriage as unholy and an abomination.
The rednecks and religious used to describe mixed race marriage as unholy and an abomination.
I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt with the "used to", but you get the point.

Bend over and take it, Kerry. I think they've prematurely ejaculated on this one. This is a gift! Rejoice!

Piss off!

My inner child is sixteen years old!

Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
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Da-dang!

Stuttering John gets a new job.

Only, "I won't be doing any ambush-celebrity interviews or bowel-movement interviews, which is something that Howard created," Melendez told The Post. "This will obviously be different. I won't be asking Raquel Welch about her sagging chest."

And Howard's reaction: "It couldn't have gone better - he was so happy for me and was completely complimentary . . . we both got all choked up," he said. "We expressed our love for each other and he said, 'C'mon, let's celebrate,' and we went to Atlantic City.

Howard should get some mileage out of this.

UPDATE:
That didn't take long...

Howard Stern is peeved at Jay Leno for hiring Stuttering John Melendez.
Stuttering John with Leno on 'The Tonight Show.' Calling Jay Leno "creatively bankrupt," Howard Stern lashed out at the "Tonight Show" host yesterday for hiring away Stern show regular Stuttering John Melendez to be his announcer.

Stern told listeners on his first morning back on the radio since Melendez gave notice that Leno called him twice since the announcement.

"You're using this to get some edge, and you're lame and you're gay," Stern said he told Leno. "Jay's just lame," Stern added. "I told him 'You're an a, you're a ripoff...' "

Radio's most famous morning motormouth also slammed Leno for thinking that by getting Melendez, he would draw viewers not watching the "Tonight Show" now.

"What John has to do with Jay's show is just beyond my comprehension," Stern said.

"Jay, at what point did your creativity turn off?" Stern asked. "You're creatively bankrupt."

Melendez, who will get $500,000 a year for the NBC gig, is leaving Stern's show at week's end. He'll start on March 29, replacing current "Tonight Show" announcer Edd Hall.

Leno and Stern have been friendly throughout the years. And each has appeared on the other's show. However, Stern has often criticized Leno's "Tonight" work as being soft, and not nearly as good as his time in standup comedy.

"Jay is just a really odd guy," Stern said. "He's bizarro."

<...>

Melendez has been toiling on Stern's show for 15 years. He started as a gofer, grew into doing absurd celebrity interviews while stuttering and is now a fixture on the program.

Stern said he chided Leno during their phone conversations for copying bits from the radio show. Leno, Stern said, attributed the pieces on his "Tonight" show to those done by Steve Allen decades earlier.

"You're just comical in your ability to rip things," Stern said he told Leno. "You reek of desperation."

"Dude," Stern added, "you already take half my crap, you might as well steal my people."

Leno, through a spokeswoman, had no comment on Stern's rant.

Wha?

You are Julia Kristeva! You were a student of
Roland Barthes, and came up with such important
notions as intertextuality and abjection. You
are a semiotician, psychoanalyst, scholar of
literature, and dozens more things. You are not
dead.


What 20th Century Theorist are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Free At Last!

All you phony-libertarians should be proud!

I know you were against the war, but now Iraq is free at last!

Your Tax Dollars at Work

Wouldn't you think that the Attorney General of the United States would have more important things to do than pry into citizens medical records?

Not when he's a religious fanatic, looking to advance his warped agenda.

Can we please get these fools out of office before they start appointing to the Supreme Court?

Stating The Obvious

Couldn't get past the title.

Analysis
In Bush's Policies, Business Wins

Like that old man in Belize told me, "that Hitler, he no friend of jewish, huh?"

44/50

States I've been to.



create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide

Bombs Away

Before I read any expert analysis, I thought he fucking bombed on Russert.

1. For sport, did anyone count the 9-11 mentions and references? Could have made a nice Sunday morning drinking game.

2. Re: Hussein he said (roughly), "Before he become an imminent threat." We were looking for preeminence? Oh.

3. He said, "I don't want to get in a word battle with you." Obvs. At least he's smart enough to know he'd get his ass kicked. I used to think he had trouble reading. Now I think he has trouble speaking. He acts like he's answering essay questions that he doesn't have a command over. But he's been told so long that his bullshit is real.... I don't even know. Really, sad.

4. He keeps saying that Congress looked at the same WMD info leading up to the invasion that he did. Is that really true? He didn't have any more info? Or, did his administration select what they gave Congress to look at? Either way, I call Bullshit.

Does anyone actually think Bush looked convincing or confident? I really don't get it.

Shocking News! GOP Cheats!

If this is true, then why isn't it being reported everywhere?

The fucking red team has no problem with doing whatever is needed to win.

And they wonder why they get 4% of the black vote. And they wonder why no black red-teamers are in Congress. hmmm

(thanks AT)

REPORT: ETJB Slips On ASS

You might have heard. ETJB busted ass on the ice. Last nite, after clobbering SS and AZ in a quick round of poker, ETJB was led down an icy ally by SS onway to Wing Nite.

But, after years and years and years of HapKido training, the ETJB knows how to fall. Sure, I forgot to slap the pavement, and I'm not sure that I tucked my chin. But I did slip right on my ass.

I'm sore as shit. Right on my high left ass. The wings were good.

Double word up, Atkins.

Dude. Am I Rollins?

You are STATE OF ALERT! Very pissed off in general,
you don't mess around. Even rednecks don't like
to get in fights with you because you are
crazy. You aren't afraid to promote yourself,
not to mention you are a loud mouth. Outspoken
in what you believe, you will ALWAYS be there
to help out and fight for your friends and
those you love. And of course to create a
whilwind of senseless violence.


WHAT D.C. HARDCORE BAND ARE YOU?
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Tip to Gwadzilla.